Dark times 1 comments add
November 30, 2011 at 2:52 am permalink

I feel like school isn't for me. I'm not interested in any of the classes and I'm not motivated to do any of the work because I don't find them intriguing.

 

I feel so useless.

i'm just wasted space.

My spirit is breaking.

I always want to break down&cry.

I'm just not happy anymore.

 

 

I don't know what to do..

0 comments add
November 18, 2011 at 7:45 am permalink

Home is where the heart is.

Why do you do this to me? 0 comments add
November 17, 2011 at 5:59 pm permalink

Yesterday you texted me.

You told me you still love me and miss me, but that's only because you wanted something, I mean you probably do mean it but don't only say it when you want something.

    It kills me when you do that. I don't know what to feel: outraged or happy or upset?

You also wanted me to come down for Thanksgiving, which I really want to but I can't just drop everything for you, like I always have.

   You only invited me because I'm your last resort. I know it's shallow to say but you can't just decided to invite me just because you have no one else, maybe if you invited me earlier I would have but not now. Although it's killing me that I'm choosing not to go.

   We aren't together anymore, don't you understand. You still mean the world to me but you can't drop bombs like that on me. I don't know what's going on anymore.. should I wait for you? should I just forget it and try to move on?

 

My heart still belongs to you.

I don't know why I hold so tight onto the past. 0 comments add
November 2, 2011 at 1:37 am permalink

Why do I always fall for the crap you tell me?

- I miss you.

- You make me happy.

- Blah Blah Blah

Why can't you ever prove the things you tell me?

Why do I believe it?

I told you not to say things like that.. I'm too weak for you, I fall for you too easily.

 

You've done so many hurtful things to me and I still can't say no.

You've made me feel insignificant, unloved, alone, unappreciated, taken for granted, your second choice.

& I still love you..

I'd never do things like that to you.

We loved each other on different levels..You didn't love me enough and I loved you too much.

Hugs. 0 comments add
October 21, 2011 at 4:15 am permalink

I miss those hugs.

I need one right now.

Another sad one... 0 comments add
October 7, 2011 at 7:19 am permalink

It might seem pathetic,

But being with you these last two years and having you talk to me every night and knowing that you were always there for me has created this feeling of you always being there.

But now I don't have that anymore, there's just a lonely presence in the empty spot where you always were. There are moments when I forget and then I come to realize that its gone, and it's the worst feeling. It's a heart grasping, shortage of breath, stomach dropping pain, that I wish I didn't feel everyday.

I still wake up thinking I'm with you,& then I have to start my day by reminding myself that I lost you. When we talk and it's time to say goodbye I want to tell you "I love you" & " I miss you, and then after, it's so difficult to remember that we aren't together. I still go to sleep thinking about you and wondering what would be happening if we were together.

 

Falling apart. 0 comments add
September 28, 2011 at 8:20 am permalink

I feel so lost right now and all I want right now is you.

no subject 5 comments add
September 27, 2011 at 12:58 am permalink

I don't understand the concept of giving someone special your heart and then ending that relationship and then giving that same heart to someone else.

It's a concept I've know about for the longest time but actually doing it seems wrong.

 

It's gonna take a while to get over you..

no subject 0 comments add
September 22, 2011 at 10:51 pm permalink

I miss you.

Leaving san diego today made me really depressed.

I kept thinking about the last time I left for school.

The feelings I felt when I had to leave you behind.

Now it's the feeling of leaving us behind.

 

It sucks because we both know we want to be with each other, but we also know we can't do it.

 

I feel like we failed.

We couldn't beat distance.

We weren't strong enough.

We couldn't find our solution.

 

Maybe it's from the lack of guys I've dated but I feel such a strong pull towards you, that we'll get back together in the end and be happy forever.

no subject 0 comments add
September 7, 2011 at 6:40 pm permalink

Ughhh bad bad bad bad bad!!!

Like 50 steps back!

Bad state of mind.

Haha like I'm relapsing on my ex.

Fuuuck.

0 comments add
September 2, 2011 at 4:46 pm permalink

I'm not crying as much.

We talk about every other day or so, that's nice, my day is always happier when we talk.

     No "I miss you"s or "I don't like this" or "I love you"s

     Just being friends

     I think I can do it.

It's going to be weird when you get a girlfriend or I get a boyfriend.

     I hope you get one first.

     I don't want to be the first one to say "I've moved on", I don't want to hurt you like that.

     I'd rather be the one that's hurting.

 

Time goes by fast. 0 comments add
August 29, 2011 at 7:57 am permalink

We had our first kiss on this day around this time two years ago.

It's weird how time passes by so fast.

    He said, "Prove to me that you like me."
    I liked this boy so much, he was different, so I snuck out of my house at two in the morning and walk six short blocks to his house. Sneaking into his house my heart was racing and my body had shivers from the excitement,  I've never done something like this ever before.
    Finally in his room we laid on his bed and talked for hours. It was just me and him with the moonlight streaming in. At one point we decided to play a game called  "Never have I ever". We did a few rounds and then it was my turn again. I remember laying there and being embarrassed for what I was going to say next, my heart was pumping out of my chest. I stalled for a few seconds pretending like I didn't know what to say, "I never umm.. I never.." and then bam, he kissed me, three times. It was so gentle and sweet, it was perfect. And then I finished my turn saying "Never have I ever been kissed."

If only 0 comments add
August 27, 2011 at 5:57 am permalink

I wanna hold you till forever.

Smell in your smell.

Hear your voice, your laugh.

See your smile, your green eyes.

Run my hand through your hair.

Tell you, "I love you", "I miss you"

 

Duhr. 0 comments add
August 24, 2011 at 6:48 am permalink

I know I've said this but it sucks watching you start a new life without me.

I feel selfish.

 

Today I talked to my dad about relationships and his past.

It seems like he regrets a lot of things.

I do not want to regret things.

I don't want to have to look back at my life and wish I did things differently or wish I did do certain things.

I could see it in his eyes, his facial expression

I could hear it in his voice

He wish he did things that he hadn't done.

 

I don't want to regret letting you go.

And I know I have a while before I can look back on this moment and judge my decision, but for right now

I love you so much and I miss you like crazy.

And it's going to take so long for me to get over you and move on

because I don't think I want to yet.

I've started to question our decision but I know I can't go back on it.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs7XB5X1U48&feature=channel_video_title

 

On the other hand,

My dad told me of this girl he used to date, Kathy.

She was Japanese, Junior Class secretary in high school, while he was Junior Class president.

He said that the president and secretary were suppose to be together(that was the thing back then)

Anyways they dated and when he decided to introduce her to my grandmother that's when he learned of her disapproval.

One day when they were at Kathy's house my grandmother went over to her house and flipped out, big enough for cops to come over.

Anyways he had to dump her..over a letter and he was forbidden to talk to her or see her.

Come Senior year,

He was Student Body President and in spite of him, Kathy became Secretary again.

He said it was the darkest time in him life.

He had to see her all the time and see how much he hurt her, all while he missed her deeply.

He reasurred me that it was for the better and that things will work out for the best.

He told me everything will be okay and I will get better in time.

He says I should do other things in college besides just school, like date and have fun.

"You know, you'll be alright"

Fading. 0 comments add
August 23, 2011 at 3:40 am permalink

There are so many times I've stopped myself from calling you and hearing your voice. I miss you more than you know.

I feel like something is missing in my life. 

I miss your constant presence in my life, even when I wasn't with you I could feel you.

That feeling is slowly fading.

It's sad.

Matter 0 comments add
August 20, 2011 at 6:05 am permalink

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters, not anymore.

Sucker. 0 comments add
August 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm permalink

It's going to suck when I see you move on.

0 comments add
August 18, 2011 at 6:19 am permalink

I'm in a confused state of mind.

auhegfierubnvijsdfniurngiausenfiueniu !!!?!??!?!??!?! 0 comments add
August 17, 2011 at 5:55 pm permalink

I keep have dreams about you.

I keep waking up thinking I'm still with you.

 

 

 

 

When does it stop?

All done and over. 0 comments add
August 16, 2011 at 5:01 pm permalink

Now it's time to break habits.

  Hardest one of all: Stop thinking about you as my boyfriend.

Favorite quote 0 comments add
August 13, 2011 at 2:22 am permalink

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up and it will.

no subject 0 comments add
August 13, 2011 at 1:54 am permalink

The only thing keeping me together is denial.

no subject 0 comments add
August 12, 2011 at 11:26 pm permalink

June 11, 2011-August 15,2011

I like this quote for some reason. 0 comments add
August 12, 2011 at 6:45 pm permalink

Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.

-Sarah Dessen

When are you ever really ready? 6 comments add
July 31, 2011 at 9:14 am permalink

You hung out with the girl you kissed today and a couple other friends.

For five fucking hours: 9pm-2am

So how can I not be upset?

I'm going crazy out of my mind. What if he cheats on me with her? What if she's staying at his house tonight? What if his friends encourage him to be with her like before? What if they actually do like each other?

And then I think: Why am I so insecure with a guy, when I know it won't matter in the end.

All this wasted energy over worrying and crying.

We know we are breaking up so why do we waste energy on fighting and worrying still?

I guess it's mostly on me, I pick the fights and I worry until I cry myself to sleep.

So why do I care so much? Why don't I just enjoy the time we have left together?

I guess it's because I'm not ready to lose you yet.

Then again when will I ever be.

So we talked 0 comments add
July 18, 2011 at 1:30 am permalink

We are gonna stay together for the rest of summer and then go our seperate ways once you leave.

I'm happy with our decision, I'm going to miss you so much but I think it's for the best.

I hope we can stay good friends no matter what.

I think we can do it.

I don't wanna lose you.

You are on a camping trip 0 comments add
July 12, 2011 at 6:12 pm permalink

for three days and I miss you already.

I cry everytime we leave each other for a long time.

When I leave you to go to seattle, that makes me the saddest.

Words can't explain how much I love you.

Hardest thing to do. 0 comments add
July 10, 2011 at 5:54 pm permalink

How do you begin to tear your own heart apart from someone you love?

I know I can't do long distance again.

   It has worn me down to much.

   I worry so much about you, and it has made me dependent on you.

   After you cheated on me, I can't begin to fully trust you when you go to San Francisco.

If we stay together for the next four years, I'll see you a total of one year.

I would like to stay with you for the rest of summer, but I don't know how you'll react when I tell you.

   I wanna make these last few weeks to be the best and for us to leave each other on good terms

   And as cheesy as it is maybe we can be together after college.

   I'm thinking of transfering to Berkeley(Ha if I can get in), if I do maybe then.

   If not I'd really like to be your friend because we have the same set of friends& I don't wanna lose you.

I love you so much

   I'm going to miss holding your hands,

   long hugs with you

   swimming with you

   sleeping over

   doing nothing together

   your goddamn stupid jokes

   your good taste in music

   your smile

   making you laugh

   our tickle wrestling matches

   having you make me laugh

   putting my head on you chest

 There are so many things I love about you.

   You make me feel safe

   When I'm at school you give me a sense of home

   I don't feel lost when I'm with you

   I don't worry about anything when I'm with you

   I can't even begin to think about how lonely I'm going to be without you

When you make me feel all these things, how can I even begin to break up with you?

 

1 comments add
June 26, 2011 at 2:52 am permalink

Stop making me promises you can't keep.

 

AND 0 comments add
June 22, 2011 at 5:48 am permalink

You are still having me fall in love with you as each day goes by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I doing the same for you?

June 11 0 comments add
June 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm permalink

I wonder if you'll remember our one year.

0 comments add
June 4, 2011 at 7:26 pm permalink

You're draining my patience&love.

We were suppose to skype this morning but you decided to go out to lunch with austin and I can't later because I'm fucking moving my shit out of the dorms.

You help me destress, and right now I'm stressing a lot because of finals and moving out, also with my previous blog, ya that's not helping either..

I just need you to be here for me right now.

): 0 comments add
June 4, 2011 at 5:38 am permalink

I'm feeling a tad bit neglected&forgotten

You take forever to text back and been acting like your heads not in this.

It kinda freaks me out..like you're with another girl.

But I know you're with your friends.

It's just been messing me up lately, making me emotional and worried when I shouldn't be.

Fine? 0 comments add
June 3, 2011 at 6:58 am permalink

So i asked you how you were today

and you were like "fine lol how about you?"

and i was like "just fine?"

just to see why and maybe something was wrong

and then you go "really"

I thought like "really."  not"really?"

So i was like "really fine?" jokingly

and then you were like "no really are you gonna start this"

CAN'T I JUST ASK WHY YOURE JUST FINE?!

Today 4 comments add
April 27, 2011 at 4:36 am permalink

I didn't worry about the another girl taking up your attention like I usually do..

The thing I worried about was if you love smoking more than you love me.

If you would give it up for me.

If you would realize how much it has affected you.

I love you so much, but I won't be with someone that doesn't put me first in this situation. 

I wish 0 comments add
April 27, 2011 at 2:43 am permalink

I wish my boyfriend didn't smoke as much.

So... 0 comments add
April 25, 2011 at 5:23 am permalink

Believe it or not..

I'm giving him one more chance.

He is doing a better job, however, family problems are taking a toll on our relationship a bit.

I really feel like he means well and is going to be better.

Summer is coming up too, so we will only get closer and hopefully stronger for the next year apart.

 

So that same night.. 0 comments add
April 22, 2011 at 9:48 pm permalink

That I wanted you to call me..

You kissed avi.

Right now 0 comments add
April 17, 2011 at 8:57 am permalink

Right now you are at a party.. &I wish you would just take a few mins to call me&tell me you love me&to sleeptight.

Random Thoughts 0 comments add
April 15, 2011 at 6:07 am permalink

I feel like I smother you a lot, I need to know where you are&who you are with&shit like a fucking possesive girlfriend!

FUCK NO!

I will not become one of them.

But I feel like to be able to do that I need to let you go&not care as much.

I feel like trusting is being careless with your heart.

 

In my mind, everyone cheats.

So I will always protect my heart.

Until I am married.

 

To me being jealous to an extend isn't bad, it's another form of love.

 

Baby, I do trust you, I know you would never hurt me intentionally, but sometimes people get caught up in the moment&don't know what they are doing.

So I am just protecting my heart from that by always wondering where you are&stuff.

I need reassurance, you know that, so why would you lack that in our relationship? If you don't like me always questioning you then don't give me a reason to.

 

I want you to be vulnerable with me

I also want to be vulnerable with you,

I've seen you cry once & being there with you in your hard times meant a lot to me.

I sometimes forget that you are always here for me, I feel bad putting my problems on you but that's why you are there, to be here for me,&I want to do the same for you. I'm here for you, thick&thin, hard times& good times

I think it will bring us closer and help us understand each other better.

 

Don't ever forget that I love you.

Babe.. 0 comments add
April 6, 2011 at 1:24 am permalink

I miss you& I wish I could just hug you for a long time.

0 comments add
March 30, 2011 at 5:51 am permalink

http://i54.tinypic.com/2i0xgf9.jpg

 

If you wanna buy me jewelry(:

Get me something like this.

Empty words. 0 comments add
March 29, 2011 at 8:31 pm permalink

You are so up front about everything..so why is it so hard for you to say cute things about me to me?

You say things, but you don't show them.

I feel like you've made me all these empty promise.

Words are empty till you fill them with feelings.

I want to you show me how you feel about me.

Actions speak louder than words.

0 comments add
March 28, 2011 at 3:48 am permalink

• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in. 
• leave her cute text notes.
• kiss her in front of your friends.
• tell her she is gorgeous.
• look into her eyes when you talk to her.
• let her mess with your hair.
• touch her hair. 
• just walk around with her.
• forgive her for her mistakes.
• look at her like she’s the only one you see. 
• tickle her even when she says stop. 
• hold her hand when you’re around your friends. 
• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
• let her fall asleep in your arms.
• get her mad, then kiss her. 
• tease her and let her tease you back. 
• watch her favorite movie with her.
• kiss her forehead.
• give her the world.
• let her wear your clothes. 
• when she’s sad, hang out with her. 
• let her know she`s important. 
• kiss her in the pouring rain.
• when you fall in love with her, tell her. 
• and when you tell her, love her like you’ve never loved someone before.

Bad Luck 0 comments add
March 21, 2011 at 2:47 am permalink

1. Boyfriend is in Costa Rica during my spring break

2. My last day with my baby went horrible..Pool hall was closed, Drove all the way to grossmont to walk dogs&the dog place was shut down, & he left for Costa Rica that day which made me sad

3. Got into a car accident

4. I'm sick

5. I got sea sick and light headed today

6. It's gloomy&pouring in San diego

 

I kinda just wanna cry, I miss you so much&my SD visit sucks.

ggawwwddd 0 comments add
March 10, 2011 at 5:03 am permalink

Can you show that you appreciate me more?

This long distance relationship is hard as it is.

I want just one night where you stay up for me and wait for me to go to sleep.

I want you to post cute posts on my wall or at least respond to the ones I put on yours.

I want you to recognize the things I do for you especially if i go out of my way to do it for you.

I want you to show that you are happy to see me..and not be high at the same time.

I want you to go out of your way for me.

I don't want you to be one track minded for a day.

I want to feel like the only girl in your world.

I don't want that stupid defensive tone for a day.

Is that too hard for you?

 

bbybunnie 0 comments add
February 27, 2011 at 5:58 am permalink

Man I haven't blogged for a while, I guess there's not much to complain about.

Everything with my baby is going good, I miss him a alot.

And as usual I miss home, only 17 more days.

I got a tumblr.

bbybunnie.tumblr.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbYHmlto21M

OMG 0 comments add
February 11, 2011 at 3:27 am permalink

So I read horoscopes and today I was reading my boyfriends which was :

Today, something you have, either an object or a talent, will soon prove to be far more valuable than you ever knew

My boyfriend plays basketball & he said he was never good enough to be pro or good enough for college bball.

BUT...

today he found out he's getting scouted by two colleges for basketball!!!

This is his hidden talent.

If only we were like seahorses. 1 comments add
February 3, 2011 at 12:03 am permalink

When seahorses find a mate, they wrap their tails around each other so the tide doesn’t drift them apart. They have that one mate for the rest of their lives. When the mate dies, they do too.

Whale of a Tale 0 comments add
February 2, 2011 at 11:43 pm permalink

I'm kinda lost in my life right now.

I feel like I have no ambition anymore.

I just wanna get married, have babies, and watch them grow up.

The only sort of work I would want to do is with Whales for some reason.

I really like whales, when I was little we had a this gray whale at seaworld named JJ.

I was in love with the whale itd be the first thing i'd want to see.

I was very sad when they released him, I watched it on the news.

Ive always loved humpback whales too, awhile back I made a jar with various things in it one of them was recordings of humpback whales.

I love the way they show their tales out of the water once they've come up for air.

The thing that brought up whales again was in my oceans class, we are learning about how the aciditiy in water is increasing and that whales might become deaf because the sound absorption.

My boyfriend furthered my interest in the oceans, I watch some many ocean related shows on tv now because of him.

Washington would be a perfect place to do my studies too and im already here, or I could transfer to monterey bay, which is closer to home, Id love that.

I'm not sure where I was going with this post, just jotting my thoughts.

 

Stupid girl 0 comments add
January 27, 2011 at 7:30 am permalink

I'm a stupid stupid girl.

I hold too tight onto the past.

IM LETTING GO!

You hear that past?!

I've had enough of you.

I'm with a whole different logan then the one you knew, you have no idea.

He will NEVER cheat on me or talk to girls the way he did back then. 

He loves me, he really does, he knows what he wants and he wants me. 

And you know what, past?

You've been clouding my judgement!!!

So..FUCK YOU, get out of here.

I'm done with you.

Today was a good day. 0 comments add
January 20, 2011 at 6:04 am permalink

I had a very good day today

I saw the sun

Got a morning wake up from Logan

Skyped him while he was in class

Got breakfast with KevKev&played angry birds

Figured out a difficult math problem

Played cards

Went to dinner with an old friend

Skyped L MacKen while he rapped for me and told me weird things about himself.

Studied for a little

Sleep.

If all my days were filled with this much happiness I'd live a great life.

End of the day. 0 comments add
January 16, 2011 at 8:28 am permalink

At the end of the day I just want you to tell me you love me and for me to tell you I love you.

Sucks. 0 comments add
January 8, 2011 at 7:38 pm permalink

The thing that sucks about long distance is not being able to:

hold each others hand when you walk.

cuddle on a rainy day. 

warm each other.

give each other kisses.

have tickle wars.

hug each other after a fight. 

feel their presence.

 

Helpless&lost 0 comments add
January 7, 2011 at 12:45 am permalink

I feel so lost here.

I do not like it at all, I want to go home, or at least driving distances to home.

The rain sucks& I miss the sun.

In addition 

Me&my baby are hitting a rough stop right now & I can't be there to fix it.

We can't do anything exciting together in person & all we have is skype & the phone.

What the heck can I do?

All of this is making my homesick worse.

I'm afraid that we won't be able to make this better.

I feel so helpless.

I hate it.

New Year's Resolution 0 comments add
January 3, 2011 at 4:52 am permalink

1. Trust more.

2. Not be a pushover.

3. Know what I want.

4. Confidence.

5. Study more.

6. Be strong. 

Ignored. 0 comments add
December 12, 2010 at 9:22 am permalink

You ignored me all night..and then i found out from one of my friends that you are smoking with them.

WHAT THE EFF.

I don't appreciate being ignored, it makes me feel like you are shutting me out of your life.

Shot of Happiness. 0 comments add
December 7, 2010 at 8:19 am permalink

I love you sooooo much

I finally got EVERYTHING of my chest.

I told you every little thing i felt since for forever.

And you know how I feel now and you understand. 

We are doing so good right now.

Today, I was so happy and just great, I had no worries.

I wanted to laugh randomly because I was so estatic.

We are on a whole different level in our relationship now.

I love you with all my heart.

I don't want to lose you. 

We have had quite the bump road, but we made it so far,

so let's see what the future has laid out for us.

I love you, always.

I want some Chicken Nuggets. 0 comments add
December 1, 2010 at 6:19 am permalink

Even though I complain a lot and only talk about the bad things,

I'm really happy with you, I hope you feel the same.

As of right now I know I want to be with you,

no matter what the future has planned for us, you'll as be in my heart.

Frustrated. 0 comments add
November 16, 2010 at 6:45 am permalink

When I try to talk to you about how I feel

You say, "thats dumb" and try to reassure me 

But saying I'm dumb for thinking what I think makes me not want to share things with you.

I'm trying to tell you how I feel and I'm finally doing it,

And I hate how you respond to it.

 

You never think you do anything wrong, but if it's bugging me or hurting me then obviously you are so try to be understanding will you?

Don't just say, well honestly I don't think I did anything wrong, but sorry for whatever I did.

Like wtf you can't be sorry if you don't know what you did and that is not meaningful at all and you are not sorry. 

 

It's like you can never be at blame and you know how to flip it to make it seem like it's all my fault or you get mad at me which is complete BS.

Can you just understand that YOU did something wrong and own up to it? 

I have come to the realization that 0 comments add
November 8, 2010 at 12:18 am permalink

I am pessimistic&expect the worst,

so I'm not disappointed or get hurt.

 

I have abandonment issues,

I haven't figured out why yet.

 

I'm insecure about a lot of things,

especially myself.

 

I like to please everyone,

I feel like if I don't they will abandon me or won't accept me. 

This is it! 0 comments add
November 3, 2010 at 4:50 am permalink

I need to be optimistic.

I need to try my hardest to believe in you.

I need to let go of the past.

I have to think of the present, you haven't done anything wrong.

I have to remember you love me, you even said you love me too much.

I have to just trust you.

The pessimistic stories need to come to an end. 

Is that at all possible or will I always dwell?

It's driving me insane.

I need to just wake up, fast forward to the future and recognize that you love me.

 I can't promise that this will be easy or will happen just like that.

Please please please.. 

Just be patient, caring, and understanding.

Then I will know for sure you love me and I can fully open up and have no fears. 

 

 Ps.

This is your last chance, I promise you that one, so don't fuck it up.

What if? 0 comments add
November 1, 2010 at 6:00 am permalink

What if I told you I couldn't take it anymore and just cannot trust you?

  Would you try to convince me otherwise?

Tell me I'm the only one you love and will be.

Would you just be over it and not even try?

Tell me whatever, you're done.

What would you do?

 

Well what I would want you to do is convince me otherwise.

I want to know that you don't take me for granted.

I want you to tell me sweet things to know that I'm appreciated.

I want you to make me feel like I'm good enough for you.

 

All of the above contains "I want"

Am I being to selfish? 

 

Today. 0 comments add
October 28, 2010 at 9:44 pm permalink

Today,

I really miss you.

What I would do to be in your presence. 

I just want to hold your hand.

 I just want one hug.

I wanna make you laugh.

I want to make you smile that smile.

I really love you.

Only you.

D': 0 comments add
October 22, 2010 at 10:44 pm permalink

My pessimism is going to be the death of me.

It's not that I don't trust you

I just ALWAYS  except the worst.

And it's not only with you, it's everything..

 

I think I except too much from you.

And when you don't follow up to my expectations I'm disappointed&feel unloved. 

Sometimes you make me feel like I'm not good enough, and your second choice.

I want to be your first choice and your only choice. 

It's terrible, I feel so selfish and feel like I take you for granted sometimes.

I hate it. 

 

I miss you so unbelievably much.

And I'm pretty sure 100% that I love you too much.

 

Fuck. 

~1064 miles 0 comments add
October 8, 2010 at 12:55 am permalink

Distance was necessary for our relationship to expand.

I trust him way more being miles away than I did when I was just a few blocks away.

Being away from him and seeing him trying to make this work shows me how much he really loves me.

I guess I didn't notice or recognized it when I was back in SD.

This distance is making me realize how much I truly love him, I'm finding myself letting go with love.

I'm afraid that I'm too in love with him and that he doesn't love me as much as I do.

 

COLLEGE 0 comments add
September 25, 2010 at 1:40 am permalink

College is amazing!

 

Yesterday I,

Met my roomie 

I love my roommate, she was the perfect match. 

 

Unpacked

That took about 5 hours 

Made my room like home 

Pictures are everywhere 

Walked around the Ave

People to see, things to do 

Went to Boom for dinner

PHO-Filling 

Skyped with my baby 

Watched him watch Jersey Shores, I miss Kailani 

Slept

 

Today I,

Woke up

Took my first shower

So awkward when wearing flipflops 

Went to brunch at Eleven 01

No cereal 

Reorganized my dorm

Too messy 

Went to Thai Tom

Amazing! 

Teleyed with my baby

I miss him 

Went to movie night

KICK ASS, ASS KICKED 

Went to a carnival

Turned out carnival was a dance

Skyped with my baby

 He gets distracted easily

Slept 

Things 0 comments add
September 1, 2010 at 5:39 am permalink

There are so many things i would ask you to do for me.

 

And these are them: 

-Tell me you love me every night right before you go to sleep, either through a simple text or calling me.

-Send me a sweet good-morning text.

-Tell me how much I mean to you and not take me for granted. 

-Hold me tight every single time.

-Pick me flowers randomly, even if it's from my front lawn. 

-Look me deep in the eyes and tell me you love me.

 

However, I don't because I don't want you to feel like it's an obligation and I will feel like you are only doing it because I asked you to, not because you want to.

Let's think positive 0 comments add
August 31, 2010 at 2:20 am permalink

I've decided to take a more positive outlook on my relationship.

I love him& he loves me.

Simple as that. 

So let's make the most of it, for as long as we can.

Even if we think it won't last, it won't be waste time if we spend it with someone we love.

Right?

 

There's a point for everything with love, either small bumps of experience for future relationships or being able to get through the bumpiest road to have the one & only, true love.

 

One bump is college. 

College is a time for exploring, adventure, & freedom.

We will probably have to end it sometime during this great adventure,

Because, after all, college is the craziest times of our lives; we want to have fun & not hold back.  

But, as cliche as it is, if it's meant to be, we will be together at the end of it all.

 

However, let's not look too far ahead because, with the words spoken from tanairi, "the future is too overwhelming".  

 

 

 

Short and to the point. 0 comments add
August 24, 2010 at 6:49 am permalink

College is so surreal.

no subject 1 comments add
August 3, 2010 at 4:44 am permalink

We have been together for awhile and I still feel the need to worry about you cheating on me.

I always think the worst when it comes to you.

My biggest fear with you, is that you will hide another girl.  

When you look at your phone or leave me at night, I always think about if you are going off to be with another girl, or saying cute things to another girl that you never say to me.

It hurts the most when I think about you and your past relationships, the things you said to her, the way you loved her. It makes me wonder what you do differently with me, what you said to her that you don't say to me, and if you even love or will love me that much.

 

no subject 0 comments add
July 13, 2010 at 4:58 pm permalink

Can't we have a handbook on love?

A section on True Love, Cheaters, Finding your lover's true feels, Finding your true feels, and the not so basic basics like communication, trust, respect, devotion, etc.

This would make life easier.

 

 

I'm expecting you to fuck up, I think it is inevitable.

So I'm searching for reasons to end it, because I don't want to get more hurt.

Even though, I'm probably just hurting me more.

 

 

You asked me for reasons on why I can't trust you, well here are some of them:

1. You are too too flirtatious

2. The way you initiate the conversation with girls.

3. The way you talk to girls. 

4. Victoria

5. Tracy

6. Lately, this other girl.

 

I feel like you want to be with me, but also have the benefit of flirting with other girls.

no subject 0 comments add
July 11, 2010 at 6:35 am permalink

Don't you worry about the obstacles to your happiness. If you let them get to you, you'll endure just like the rest. I know your'e better than those people who get in the way.

 

Let's live by AJ's words.

GOOD DAY 0 comments add
July 8, 2010 at 5:30 am permalink

Today was a very good day.

Hung out with T most of the day,

Watched Tuck Everlasting, so cheese and cute but sad ):

Then watched Frat Party, sooooo funny and dirrrrttyy.

Then I hung out with my Baby,

Went swimming, which was very fun (:

Then watched She's out of my league, also very funny.

 Today was an overall good relaxing day. One I haven't had in a while and desperately needed. I didn't feel like I had to worry about anything, which felt amazing.

OH BTW: I talked to him and got a lot of shit that was on my mind out and got a lot of answers to questions that have been bothering me ever since October.

HEY CHEATERS 0 comments add
July 7, 2010 at 5:54 am permalink

For all you fucking cheaters out there, you can burn in hell.

What am I 0 comments add
July 7, 2010 at 12:11 am permalink

What am I going to do when I go to college?

My lack of trust is going to skyrocket.

I have so much trouble trusting you still,

I make up stories with EVERY girl you talk to.

 

It hurts me everyday and I'm getting sick of it.

I don't know how to fix it or what to do.. 

 

 

On another note..

Are you over your ex?

Because you keep mentioning things about her.

Honestly, why would you tell me?

What makes you think I care about what shirt or rings she has that other people are wearing?

And when you tell me these things it makes me wonder what memories you are remembering and if you feel like somethings missing, something that we don't have. 

I believe that we went a little too fast.

You never had time to get over her, or make sure you wanted to even get over her.

 

 

Maybe the best thing to do is to just end ties, (my mom said it's best to end all ties with high school, relationship-wise), but I DO NOT want to do that.

However.. 

I don't want to tie you down your senior year,

Or have you end up cheating on me and wooing some other girl because I'm not there.

That would be the death of me.

I believe in karma, so it's going to be another girl that takes you away from me.

Or maybe because I'm always so frustrated about all this, I might just push you away..

 

Routine. 0 comments add
June 24, 2010 at 12:23 am permalink

Sometimes I feel I don't make you happy.

I'm wondering when the day will come when I don't anymore.

It kills me, brings me to tears every time I think about it, and I think about it a lot.

I feel like it's the inevitable, so I have trouble enjoying us.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother if its bound to happen anyway,

But you have found your way deep into my heart, too deep.

What makes me so special anyway?

So many other girls can make you happy and not give you as much trouble as I do.

Lately we have been getting into bitter fights, most of its because of me.

Usually it's because all of this bombards my mind and I get upset and I don't want to get hurt

Or cause you any hurt, so I distance myself&bring up the walls. 

And when we get into these fights I see how fed up you get, coming back to whether I make you happy.

When will the day come when you say enough is enough?

I know I need to change but it has happened too much that it's automatic, a routine.

He finally.. 0 comments add
June 18, 2010 at 10:49 am permalink

ASKED ME OUT June 11,2010 

And he bought me a bunny (:

I named my bunny, bunny(:

Kinda lame, but I couldn't think of a better name and bunny stuck,

I was going to name him fin because one ear goes up,

and I say he's playing shark(like a shark fin)

Maybe Fin will be his really name, but bunny is his nickname or something.

Anyways he's the cutest little thing.

Bunny/Fin is like me and Logan's egg baby, have to love and cherish baby bunny.

Haha.

However, he likes keep me up in the night O_O

I'm dying I want to sleep.

And I have graduation tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! 

YAY! Happy days.

Right now he's kind of starting to calm down. I hope he does....nope nevermind he's going nuts again.

D':

Current song: Drops of Jupiter 

http://tinypic.com/r/jsyknc/6

http://tinypic.com/r/550ydx/6

Whoa...for the code to upload my picture it said to doubting, how ironic. 

He's calmed down hooray, and goodnight. 

WHY?! 0 comments add
June 9, 2010 at 4:30 am permalink

Yes there is something wrong,

Why haven't you asked me out yet?

Seriously, I've practically been waiting ever since we first went out in september. I asked you why you haven't in october and you said you still need time to get over her.

I did..and you say you are over her..you even talk shit about her.

Now two weeks ago I asked you why you haven't..you said you had your reasons and because it's hard to ask me out?!!WTF?!??! Just ask me.

Everyday you wait it hurts me..do you get that?!?

EVERY FUCKING DAY!

Me&Andrew were talking about it and he started putting thoughts in my head.

-Maybe you don't want to be tied down...wanna use me and shit.

-Don't want to feel obligated to me.

-So maybe you are waiting for a reason like maybe cheating on me!?!

-Then you can just say "ohhh well we really weren't going out" and blow it off.

Two my friends think I should just break it off with you and let go, so I don't push myself too hard. 

But I feel like that's drastic and I'm hoping you'll ask me soon.

 

What the fuck why can't I say this to your fucking face?!

That's because I'm scared of the answer and I hate confrontation.

I sure hope you find my blog, maybe you'll understand why I'm mad most days.

Laughing 0 comments add
May 26, 2010 at 4:00 am permalink

After being sick and not talking or anything for awhile

It's quite the relief to laugh. 

I forget how much joy laughing is.

I just let my laughter go wild today.

It was nice(:

Laughing can bring happiness, joy and can heal all wounds. 

Hate 0 comments add
April 26, 2010 at 1:02 am permalink

When I look at past blogs I've written they were all about insecurity and bullshit I had to put up with. 

I'm disgusted at how foolish and blind I was and still am.

I can't believe I let it go on for this long. 

What was I thinking?!

 

I hate myself for still wanting you.

All I do is think of you.

Every inhaled and exhaled breath is tied with the thought of you. 

It's exhausting.

 

And it needs to end..

Starting now, I am going to make ME happy.

Start to do things that make me joyful

And not worry about others as much as I do.

I'll probably hurt feelings and seem different

But a time comes when you need to focus on yourself.

 

Pathetic. 2 comments add
March 24, 2010 at 2:06 pm permalink

You've burned too big of a hole.

I feel lost, like I'm missing something.

Everything is stained with the memory of you.

I know that we aren't gonna be together again, but I just replay the past,

And feel like you're still there, but you aren't.

During the day, I'm good, I'm fantastic at putting on a face.

But I cry at night, whenever I'm alone with my melancholy thoughts.

It's painful, It hurts, It's absolutely the worst.

Sometimes, I have the urge to call you in the middle of the night,

And try to get you back.

But it'll just cause more pain,

That's when I force myself to sleep.

I guess it's just gonna take awhile to repair.

Melancholy 7 comments add
March 17, 2010 at 4:06 am permalink

OK so here's what's up,

Since I'm going to college, I don't know how it's going to work,

Because you are only happy when you are with me. 

I'm thinking we should end things for good, so we don't have to deal with the pain later.

But how can I let go of you when I love you & I miss you & I need you?

This makes me hurt more than you'll ever know.

 

Key Question: How do you let go of someone you don't want to let go of, but it's for the best?

Answer: ________. 

SICK 0 comments add
March 9, 2010 at 4:20 am permalink

I'm sick of this feeling.

It's driving me crazy, I don't know if I can trust you.

Every sign I pick up points negatively.

I want to just let go. 

I want to detach myself.

I would have no worries.

Being single isn't bad, there's no drama.

Anyways, the best feeling occurs before you go out.

That sweet freedom of flirt.

That sweet tingling of butterflies.

That sweet victory of someone liking you back.

My life would be easier.

I would be happy everyday.

No one would ask me "Are you ok?"

 

BUT I doubt it's that simple.

 

It would be too hard for me to leave you,

Cause you see,

I love you.

And I don't 

wanna lose 

you, because there's 

a place in my heart for you forever.

 

So what should I do?

What would you do?

 

 

Replay 0 comments add
February 24, 2010 at 4:14 am permalink

I keep replaying it in my head.

It cracks my heart a little every time.

You say you are just joking around. FUCK THAT, IT'S CALLED FLIRTING!!!

You are with me

&if you want to flirt and shit with other girls then fucking break up with me

Why are you even with me if you are looking/flirting with other hoes??

I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT.

Fucking sprung and shit.. fell for her in two days???

DIDN'T EXACTLY DENY IT, BITCH.

So, don't go saying it's nothing.

Cause, fuck, that's how we started our relationship with these little cute conversations showing our like for each other.

REPEAT OF HISTORY, but this time I'm the one that gets fucked over.

Just because she lives in LA, I have "nothing" to worry about???

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YES I DO, My best friend is having a perfect long distance relationship.

The way to talk to her..

You CANNOT fucking talk to her like that, cause if you do you might as well just date her.

And it'll just leads us down a path of insecurity&a shit load of emotions I don't wanna deal with.

Have you even told her you have a girlfriend? 

(Honestly, I hate myself, for doing this to colleen, now I see her side. And I am truly and sincerely sorry and I wish I just gave up once I realized he had a girlfriend and how nice she was.)

You asked me if I wanted you to stop talking to her and the reason I didn't ask you to stop talking to her is 

1. If you ask me to do that I won't, I would think differently of you.

2. If you said you would.. and you don't and I find out. THEN FUCK.. that'll make it worse. 

Apparently you guys have been having long talks at night. And it clicked. The reason you can't sleep is cause you are fucking talking to her.

Maybe all of this is a sign, a sign telling us to end it, because obviously I can't trust you and you obviously like to flirt with other cuter prettier asian girls.

I just need something, something to reassure me that I don't have to worry about it.

But right now.. there's nothing you can say.

I just need time, time to forget, time for you to prove it somehow.

I bet you are still talking to her..all cute and shit, god that kills me, I can't trust you right now. 

Let's Try.. 0 comments add
January 29, 2010 at 12:55 am permalink

I'm going to try to let words flow past me, instead of affect me.

I'm going to try to take a stand & be more decisive.

I'm going to try to look in the mirror & find myself.

I'm going to try to draw my own path & do something legendary.

I'm going to try to resist wanting to lose myself in the abyss of nonexistence.

I'm going to try to unwind, relax, & run free.

Trust 0 comments add
January 29, 2010 at 12:45 am permalink

I trust you but I don't trust you.

I think it's because of how you dealt with your ex-girlfriend & me before you guys broke up..

You waived between us three times.

I don't know if I can truly open up.

Every time it seems like you are flirting with other girls

I put up a wall & distance myself, to try to protect my heart,

when really its slowly cracking & withering. 

When people say, their heart is breaking, you think they are exaggerating.

But until it happens to you, you really don't know the feeling.

The feeling of it splitting,

the feeling that stops your breath,

the feeling that makes you just wanna stop.

I get this feeling a lot with you. 

I have so much uncertainty,

All I need is reassurance, a lot of it.

I don't think you're over her &

I don't think you will be.

You sometimes hang out with her, that bugs me, it bugs that crap out of me.

Because you guys might realize that you guys want to get back together.

5 months wasted. 

I think you are just lying to yourself.

Fuck.

I don't know where we're at.

Let alone where I'm at. 

 

Like a said previously, I would like to ask you, but I'm afraid of the answer.

6 words 0 comments add
January 13, 2010 at 1:20 am permalink

-I'm just looking for some inspiration.

-It's impossible to make everyone happy.

-If only we can stay kids.

-I am very indecisive, NOSE GOES!

-Constantly living in regret and doubt.

Well this was fun..I'm done. 

Start Of New Beginnings 0 comments add
January 5, 2010 at 4:02 am permalink

January 1, 2010, 12:00am brought the new year.

The wind blew away the clouds and left a spotless night.

This year I want my sky to be filled with stars, the stars of unbreakable friendships.

I know I will have to be true and honest with my friends and hope they dont fade away.

My friends are the most important things to me

They light my way and are always there, even when they seem like they aren't.

College will test the power of these friendships.

I hope I can prevent them from burning out,

And disappearing in the depths of darkness.

Point? 1 comments add
January 1, 2010 at 8:11 pm permalink

Most days I wake up wondering what I'm doing with my life.

Most times I end up with the conclusion that my life is pointless and I'm just wasting time&life.

I'm useless and I feel I'm just feeding off of a family that doesn't need me.

I'm not suicidal, that's not the point.

I'm simply a questioner, examining the life before us.

This life, life of being a human being, I find insignificant.

All we do is worry worry worry, worry about surviving.

Only a handful of people dont worry about it.

But the rest of the world does, constantly.

It's a never ending worrying train that on the tracks of a meaningless life towards death.

If you think about it, all we do is cause pain, damage, worry, happiness,

and give life to babies that will probably find this life just as useless. 

People will only focus on the little fraction of happiness in our lives,

and say that's the point to life. 

But that's to distract us from the real answer, the one we are afraid to hear.

Even though, it's meaningless we still have to live it,

because we have fear, fear of burning for eternity in the depths of hell. 

 

I think life in the past days had meaning, definitely.

But we lost it, somewhere between consumerism and the growth of science&technology.

And I don't think it can be recovered.

That's why I hope 2012 is real.

Because this life is so pointless.

It needs to end.

We need rebirth, rebirth to the meaning of life.

Because there has to be significance to living. 

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