January 19th 2012 0 comments add
January 19, 2012 at 8:15 am permalink

I guess I'm going through another hard time.. with my mom back in the hospital, I try to stay away from being home. Being at home makes me think 'this is what it'll be like when she's really not here'... It just gives me such an uncomfortable feeling of insecurity. I don't understand why i'm always so scared.. I'm so tired and exhausted from school, 2 jobs, and taking care of a kid + my mom. I use this opportunity to rest and relax since Kento is with his mom for about a week or two and while my mom is in the hospital.. but.. it's time I have for the wrong reasons.

My goal is just to save up as much money as I can. With all these bills I have to pay and all these different medical bills.. I wonder how much longer I can go on for, holding myself together trying to keep things together and still manage to support myself. Ugh.. life is so complicated. Would things have been different if...*sigh 

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December 29, 2011 at 7:48 am permalink

I think I ruined more of my life than I thought.. /played

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December 1, 2011 at 2:53 am permalink

There's nothing but bad ahead of me..

Any day, any time, any place.. you could be gone..

You've raised me for 18 years and the last thing I want happening is to lose you.

I've never felt so broken.. it can't even compare to my worst break up.

I can't stop crying. 

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November 24, 2011 at 6:58 am permalink

I'm gonna fucking go crazy if my mom doesn't get released from the hospital anytime soon.

 

It went from a night, to 3 days, to a week, and now, her stay remains unknown along with her health. What sucks is that I can't even visit because my mom won't let me. There are no words to describe how weak I feel. I'm worried, sad, and scared for my life. I've been holding back all these tears because I want to be strong and have the mind-set that everything will be ok. I don't know what's going to happen.. I don't want anything bad to happen... someone please, tell me everything will be ok - even if you have to lie to me..  

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November 14, 2011 at 7:17 am permalink

I want a new heart - one that can let me love someone else, one that can stop making me ache all the damn time.

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